can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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