I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
