you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
two words: eviction party
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
