hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
