My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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