She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
