my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
