Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
