Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
