So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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