im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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