Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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