Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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