its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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