Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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