i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
