I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
