Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
