OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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