Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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