She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
