It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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