So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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