Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
