My nipple is on Facebook.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
