So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
