Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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