i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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