Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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