I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you repeat that, but with context?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
