my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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