I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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