i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you never un-have a 4some
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
