$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
