I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
