i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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