I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
