i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
