evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
