East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
