Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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