The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize