I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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