finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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