haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
