Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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