where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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