Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
