Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
