so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
