1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.