he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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