just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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