one two three fourrrrnication!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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