the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
