Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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