Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
