I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize