I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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