ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
