It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
