Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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