ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
