The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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