I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
