I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
