I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
