i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
