I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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