so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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