Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
