He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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